it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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