i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize