Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
