you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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