so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
These tits shall not be calmed
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
