Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
