U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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