think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
