I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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