Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
this just has baby written all over it
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
