I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize