how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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