You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
