you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
