You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize