I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
