I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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