Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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