ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
