EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
