My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
no you cant smoke seaweed
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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