you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just want nice things and good sex
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
