She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize