Fuck appropriateness.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
