no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
