you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
