We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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