Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I can't turn off my feet"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
its liver damage thursday
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
