Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
