Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i think i have herpe
just one?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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