He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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