Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
