Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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