You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
