Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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