Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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