so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Blood and glitter go together right?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
