He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
