haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
