Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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