When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
