i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
