You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
