pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
