I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
