I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
