I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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