I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
