Don't you send me to vm
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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