Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
