You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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