Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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