then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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