Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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