thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
