"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
There r osticjed everywhere
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
