I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
