So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
