We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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