fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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