He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
