Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
