No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
