I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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