Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
