you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize