I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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