Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
