Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Acid is not a monday night drug
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
