Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
