I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
