If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
