i barfeds in our rink
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
