I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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