mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
