this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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