I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
