I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
