You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
