her vagine was all disorganized.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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